So much hype goes into the wedding planning process: all the huge decisions you'll have to make and all the seemingly important choices you'll be faced with - white or ivory linens? Brown or black shoes? How many chairs per row?. Of course, keep in mind that your wedding will be your wedding: mileage varies!

What I do want to highlight are all the takeaways of wedding planning that I didn't anticipate: life lessons, novel experiences, and new approaches to the world that I gained throughout the wedding planning process.

Lessons about delegation

During the days and weeks that led up to my wedding, gracious friends and family asked me for assignments and duties - could they help, and how?

I spend a lot of my life stubbornly DIYing things for my own satisfaction and personal enjoyment, so delegation was difficult at first. But there's obviously a limit on what one person (or two!) can do within a timeline. And you will never find out those amazing surprises - like that your maid of honor used to be a florist! Or that the groomsmen really weren't kidding about what they learned in Eagle Scouts - if you don't loosen the reigns a bit. What's more important: having the bouquet bows be identical and perfect or letting your aunt feel included and excited to help out?

Letting someone else help you is a beautiful skill and not one that comes naturally to everyone.

Lessons about flexibility

Rain on your wedding day may be considered good luck as well as ironic, but it doesn't mean your urban in-laws from a drought-ridden state will have a good time tromping around a blustery forest setting. Nor does it mean that everyone else not riding an adrenaline-and-serotonin bridal high will enjoy running around outdoors in the gusty wind.

We didn't make a weather Plan B, but luckily our wedding party improvised one. By the time our tables had been graciously brought indoors, all my carefully thought-out seating assignments had been rearranged, and nothing was as I anticipated. But, because we were indoors, it was far more intimate, and guests rotated seats to socialize with each other, rendering my arrangements totally unnecessary.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still glad I went through the process of arrangement - everyone had a placement to start with - but letting go of the work and my imagined ideal was not immediately easy. I took a deep breath and said that's not what matters right now. And then it didn't matter, and we had a fantastic reception dinner.

Lessons about what's really important

It's not an easy process, creating a wedding. Every step of the way you're drenched with marketing, with being up-sold. You're drilled with the idea that it's supposed to be the "most important day," and that all the mostly outdated etiquette is extremely important. The minutiae becomes heavy, and your friends and family start offering advice and opinions - it's a lot to take in and not lose your own voice.

Whenever you can, step back and assess: Can you remember what the forks looked like at the last wedding you went to? Is there anyone attending who will be judgmental if your forks are not special (matched, fancy, new, etc.)? Do you care what they think, ultimately?

As long as you're not intentionally making choices that will translate to "Screw you, Grandma," try to consider what really matters.

Ultimately, we achieved what we desired, even if the event itself didn't go entirely as planned. But our guests had a great time. We fostered better relationships with our community of friends and family (most of whom are scattered across the country) and basked in the glow of those who love us. That was the most important idea of them all.

Lessons about gratitude

This one seems obvious, but we can get so wrapped up in the procedure of a wedding that it gets lost. We told our guests we weren't expecting gifts and received many anyway. We took our time writing personal thank-you cards and sent them not only to guests who gave us physical gifts but also to those who contributed their time, efforts, and calming presences. We spent some of our gifted money on our wedding party, buying some useful tools for our handyman groomsmen and a spa day for my hard-working maid of honor.

I really didn't anticipate all these positive personal benefits. Beyond the stress, it's important to know that planning and hosting a wedding can truly be a beautiful developmental process if you embrace the potential. Relax! It's not only your day, it's your weeks and months leading up to it as well.

What wedding planning lessons did you apply to YOUR real life?