Reader Controlled writes,

I'm a 24 year old girl who's been in a 2+ year relationship with my boyfriend. This is my very first long term relationship and I don't know if I should stay in this or get out of it. My boyfriend is very loving and caring and funny -- only when he's in a good mood. He has really bad anger issues, is very insecure, and he's very jealous. Family and friends are big to me, but not for him, so he doesn't understand when I spend time with my family or want to spend time with my friends. He's cut me off of all social networks and he won't let me talk to my friends (who are mostly guys) except for my best friend. He doesn't let me go out with my girls for a drink -- I can only go out to have dinner with them. He doesn't let me listen to the music I like and the most immature thing is that he refuses for me to curse.

The reason why I can't cut this off is because I feel like he doesn't judge my body, which I am totally insecure about. He's never said anything hurtful or mean about my body and instead he embraces it. When he's in a very good mood he is the best boyfriend a girl can ever have, but once the anger and the jealousy kicks in all we do is argue.

I have tried to solve things by having him come with me to outings with friends, but he doesn't try to have fun nor does he try to talk to my friends. And when I talk to my friends even for a few minutes he gets mad saying how I shouldn't be focused on my friends and that instead I should be giving him attention.

I don't know what to do because I dislike how he doesn't respect me and my time with family and friends, but when things are good they're really good.

I am so sad that you think that no other man would find you attractive, and that makes you stay in this situation where a man controls you so completely. This man may love you in his way, but it is likely that due to experiences growing up, he has learned an entirely warped way to express his love. He sounds extremely insecure, and it is in fact because he likely finds you so attractive that he is so anxious when you interact with other people or put yourself in a situation where men could speak to you.

This dynamic will only get worse over time, and it will be harder and harder to tolerate your situation. Imagine if you have kids with this man, and he is as controlling of them, and of your finances, as he is with you. Imagine a world where he doesn't let your mom come over and help with your kids or when he says you shouldn't need to spend time or money taking your daughter to dance classes. Forget about kids, what about when, over the course of your relationship, his depressive phases get worse and worse and you're left with a guy who angry, mean and suspicious all the time. You risk ending up like this woman or this woman.

If someone tries to cut you off from all sources of support except for them that is abusive. If they have rules and regulations for your behavior, like the no cursing thing, this is also abusive. He is acting like a strict parent, not a loving boyfriend. I am sure your boyfriend had a difficult life and childhood, and it is likely that his own issues with his family make him think that all family involvement is bad. But you cannot stay in this. It is emotionally abusive and he is subconsciously taking advantage of your insecurity because then he can act this way while knowing you won't leave.

Trust me, whatever you look like, there are men who would love to be in a relationship with you. Men love all body types and the main thing they want is a woman who wants them. If you are loving, kind, appreciative, and physically affectionate, most men will think you're a catch. The only thing working against you here is your own self-esteem and inability to see yourself objectively.

I suggest that you find a therapist that you trust and work on your self-esteem issues and your idea that no other guy would love your body. Additionally, you should discuss the details of your relationship and your boyfriend's controlling, jealous, and angry behavior. The goal would be for you to see that staying in this relationship is and will continue to be toxic, and you deserve better.

Good luck, and till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Says, Trust Me, There Are Many Men Who Will Love Your Body And Be Nice To Your Friends.