Try to accept your partner as he or she is

Not trying to change each other is the key to a happy marriage life. This statement sounds surprising but it is true. The more we try to change each other the more we argue and fight. Rather than trying to fight your partner’s personality style, try to live with this. Focus on each other’s strengths and try to accept your marriage partner with all minus and pluses. Think about how much you love him and how difficult it could be to lose what you have. And once again! Do not try to change your partner. One of the things we see with happy couples is that they feel the moods of their partners and they are not trying to change the character of their partners.

10 secrets of happy marriage

Framing your demands as favors
Whether you want him to unload the dishwasher more often or pay closer attention to the kids, your partner will be more likely to change his behavior if he feels like he’ll get relationship brownie points. “Throw it out there like a favor. Present it like ‘here is the recipe for what will make me happy,’ because everyone wants to make their partner feel happy,” says Wilk. “When you present your needs, present them as what you do want rather than what you don’t want.” Instead of saying, “I hate when you have to have everything scheduled,” try saying, “I would love to have a day where we can just be spontaneous.”

10 secrets of happy marriage

Vocalizing your appreciation
Giving your partner positive reinforcement sounds like a no-brainer, but couples often forget to do it.
“Relationship expert Gottman’s research found that in everyday life, happy couples have 20 positive moments, such as a shared look, compliment, or affectionate touch, to every negative moment,” says Wilk.
Tell him something positive three times a day, and be specific. Instead of saying, “You’re a good dad,” tell him why. “You’re a good dad because you helped our daughter with that puzzle, which I never would have had the patience to do.”

10 secrets of happy marriage

Focusing on the positive
“Unhappy couples are stuck in a negative state of mind,” says Wilk. “You will always find what you look for. If you look for stuff that bugs you or for the stuff you think your partner is doing wrong, you will find it every day. If you look at what your partner is doing it right, you’ll find it everyday. Try to look for positive things. Foget about negatives.”
It’s a choice to flip your mindset, so when you find yourself getting annoyed, visualize something he does that makes your heart flutter to halt the negative thought circuit.

10 secrets of happy marriage

Taking trips down memory lane
“Happy couples tend to rewrite history by glossing over the bad stuff and focusing on the happy times,” says Wilk. By reliving memories out loud to your partner, it actually changes your mindset, and how you view him and what think about your relationship with that partner. Try this exercise whenever your feel your relationship needs a boost: Go over the highlights of when you were first dating, or rehearse the best moments of your relationship (such as the day you had your first picnic togather in the park. You can remond your partner a

during your lunch hour, or that surprise anniversary date he took you on) to uncover buried memories.

10 secrets of happy marriage

Never siding with the enemy
“Sometimes what affair-proofs a relationship is simply being there when your partner needs to vent, and having their back without trying to fix the problem,” says Wilk. “People want someone to listen to them. The key is to be supportive, and never take the side of the person he’s venting about, even if you can see where that person is coming from. For example, if he is upset that his boss took away a contract and gave it to someone else in the office, now is not the time to say, “Well, maybe you didn’t put your best effort in.” Right now he needs his feelings validated, and to hear you say, “That must have been really hard.” Happy couples know when to bite their tongues.

10 secrets of happy marriage

Trust, security, and commitment are key elements in any relationship, but having them doesn’t mean you can treat your relationship as rock-solid, and stop trying.
“Relationships are a fragile ecosystem, and that’s why there is a 50 percent divorce rate,” says Wilk. “Happy couples keep dating, telling each other they look great, and doing things together.”

Having rituals of connection
“It’s not only about having a date night, but happy couples seem to do a lot of mundane things together,” says Wilk. “They have little habits that they decide to do together, whether it be sitting down to pay the bills once a month or folding laundry.”
We say, anything to make that pile of dirty clothes feel more manageable.

10 secrets of happy marriage

Doing the little things
“When it comes to relationship satisfaction, you can’t just ride on the big things like, ‘I don’t drink, I pay the bills, I don’t beat you, we went to Hawaii last year,’” says Wilk. “This stuff is not really what keeps couples happy in their daily lives.”
What really matters is all the small stuff that adds up, such as being there for each other when one needs to vent, or noticing when he needs a hug, or making him his favorite meal just because. “It’s also giving up on the idea that you have to feel in love all the time. Marriage is about trust and commitment and knowing each other,” says Wilk. “That’s what love is.

10 secrets of happy marriage

The key to wedded bliss isn’t over-the-top romance, but these surprisingly simple practices you can do to stay – or fall back – in love with your partner. Read on for expert tips on how to have a happy marriage.